Survey: Almost 10% of Americans Think They Could Beat Elephants, Gorillas and Lions in an Unarmed Fight

I’m sure I could beat any animal 1-to-1.

If I fought an elephant, I would just climb up his silly long-nose and gouge out his eyes, then start punching him in the temples.

It would be as easy as beating up my stupid whore wife.


Most Americans quizzed in a new survey think they could win in a fight against a rat, a cat, or a goose. For 8% of them, though, even a lion is achievable.

The results came from a Thursday YouGov survey which asked 1,224 adult Americans how confident they would feel about defeating certain animals in an unarmed clash.

Rats, cats, and geese were the least threatening to Americans, with 72%, 69%, and 61% of people respectively thinking they could win in a duel, while medium sized dogs came fourth – though only 49% of people were confident about winning the fight.

Americans were less sure about defeating eagles (30%), large dogs (23%), chimpanzees (17%), and king cobras (15%), and had even more doubt when it came to kangaroos (14%), wolves (12%), and crocodiles (9%).

The animals that Americans were the least confident about beating in a fight, however, were gorillas, elephants, and lions – all tied at 8% – and grizzly bears (6%).

If you’re strong and agile, you could easily get behind the grizzly, jump on its back, and break its neck. Easy peasy.

Gender also played a role in the survey’s results, with men typically being far more confident about defeating all animals – with the exception of lions, which women were 1% more confident about beating.

Whereas a majority (60%) of men thought they could take on a medium-sized dog, a majority (61%) of women did not.

The woman would just seduce the dog instead.


It’s time for men to man up and start actually engaging in unarmed combat with super predators.